Humans
by whatsitoya
Summary: Oneshot, crackfic. Do the Cullens really understand a lot about humans? Let's find out. Please R&R.


**Just a little crackfic about the perfect Cullens and the kinda-dumb-compared-to-them Bella. But I love everyone, don't worry! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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Bella sat down on the Cullens' couch with Edward wrapped around her. She smiled and leaned into his embrace.

"Come on, love, let's go up to my room," Edward suggested. Bella nodded eagerly and soon they arrived on his bed. Edward lay with Bella for a few uninterrupted minutes, until Alice came barging in.

"THIS IS WHY I'M HOT! THIS IS WHY I'M HOT!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs. She carried an orange boom box belonging to Alice, which was playing the song "This is Why I'm Hot" by Mims. Edward growled at her to turn it off, for he hated it when she played the boom box loudly and sang with it. She squeaked and ran from his room, with him not far behind.

Bella sat on the bed, lonely and bored and trying to figure out what she should do now. However, Rosalie then came in the room, and Bella could feel the haughtiness radiating from her. Rosalie was looking at her nails, acting as if she could not see the human, when Bella scoffed under her breath to get Rosalie's attention. Rosalie looked up from her nails and growled at Bella on the bed, then gasped.

"B-Bella! Omc, I can't believe it! What happened?! What are we gonna do?!" Rosalie shouted. Bella sat up, confused, as Rosalie wrung her hands in agony. Then Rosalie decided to show Bella to Carlisle; maybe he would know how to fix it. So Rosalie grabbed Bella by the waist and tore for the downstairs living room.

Bella was stood in front of Carlisle, who was in the living room arguing with Esme on what color their room should be: white or ivory? Bella always liked white better, but she knew that ivory was hard to stain. Bella then looked at the living room's contents, shaking her head sadly. The orange boom box belonging to Alice was resting on the couch, and by the foot of the stairs stood Alice and Edward in a heated discussion. Well, Bella couldn't exactly hear them, but Alice looked like a sad puppy and Edward kept throwing his hands in the air – a telltale sign that he was mad, as Bella knew.

Carlisle gasped and covered his mouth as he saw the human. Esme turned around and she, too, gasped loudly. Rosalie gasped again for the heck of it. That attracted every other vampire in the house, and soon Emmett, Edward, and Alice (Jasper was looking at leaves outside, for it was fall. He loved to collect leaves, especially when they were so pretty and were different colors. They reminded him of humans: they all looked the same, but each one was kind of unique. Jasper smiled fondly at his thoughts, happy to have found such unique leaves for his collection.) As all the vampires looked at Bella and wore expressions of fear, Bella was wondering what was going on. Edward sensed her confusion first, for her was her lover and was able to read her easily, just like a classic book or something. He shook his head sadly before speaking.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but…but you…" he trailed off, looking for one of his family members to help. Esme nodded in support and he continued.

"You have some _dirt_ on you," he said, disgusted. Edward then embraced Bella carefully as she stood rooted to her spot. Bella was confused, to say the least. She could always wash it off. She voiced her thoughts aloud, and the Cullens looked at her with uncertainty. So Carlisle struggled for his words, the first one brave enough to speak.

"B-but how much of that do you have?" Bella tilted her head, something Edward thought she always looked cute doing, and asked herself what it was. Edward spoke this time.

"Bella, love, we're just wondering how many cleaning products you have. What if you run out of them wiping off this splotch of dirt? What then if you get another one?" Bella blinked, then rolled her eyes and took an all-knowing stance.

"I can always buy more at the store, Edward." She looked around at the Cullens, happy they were worried about her, yet also feeling proud she knew something that the perfect vampires didn't. Bella almost _squealed_ she was so happy, but decided to be above the influence and just stand in the middle of six vampires and look cool. Edward and everyone sighed in relief, happy that Bella's problem had been resolved.

"We're sorry, Bella, we just don't know how humans work." Carlisle looked at Bella for forgiveness; she just nodded her head solemnly. He continued, "Next time we'll be sure to tell you if something's wrong, rather than jump to vampiristic conclusions, okay?" Carlisle smiled, and he and Bella shook hands on the deal. Edward grinned at Bella's knowledge and business skills, then turned to Rosalie.

"Rosalie, I cannot even _begin_ to thank you. I am grateful to you from the bottom of my heart. Please, please accept my humble thanks." Edward kneeled in front Rosalie, bowed his head, then took her hand and kissed it. Rosalie overly sighed and accepted his thanks. Emmett, not one to be out-done, picked Rosalie up and said he could kiss her in better places. Rosalie giggled as they ran up the stairs, and Edward shook his head with a small smile on his face. He decided to pick up his love next.

Bella felt very proud for being the smart one around vampires, and as she sat on the couch next to the orange boom box belonging to Alice, she was happy. Bella watched Emmett whisk away Rosalie, and Alice go to help Jasper with his leaves. This made Bella feel mushy inside, and she closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat. Bella felt Edward behind her rub her shoulders, and Bella sighed in content. Bella loved this wacko and dumb vampire family she was way smarter than.

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**I have no beta, so if there were mistakes I'm terribly sorry. But please review! I'm not a good on-the-spot sorta comedian as you obvisouly read, haha. :P**


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